Conversion example excerpt from the book Varieties of Religious Experience by William James
The example is that of Mr. S. H. Hadley, who after his conversion became an active and useful rescuer of drunkards in New York. His testimony follows:
“One Tuesday evening | sat in a saloon in Harlem, a homeless, friendless, dying drunkard. | had pawned or sold everything that would bring a drink. | could not sleep unless | was dead drunk. | had not eaten for days, and for four nights preceding | had suffered with delirium tremens, or the horrors, from midnight till morning. | had often said, ‘I will never be a tramp. | will never be cornered, for when that time comes, if ever it comes, | will find a home in the bottom of the river.’ But the Lord ordered it that when that time did come | was not able to walk one quarter of the way to the river. As | sat there thinking, | seemed to feel some great and mighty presence. | did not know then what it was. | did learn afterwards that it was Jesus, the sinner’s friend. | walked up to the bar and pounded it with my fist till | made the glasses rattle. Those who stood by drinking looked on with scornful curiosity. | said | would never take another drink, if | died on the street, and really | felt as though that would happen before morning. Something said, ‘If you want to keep this promise, go and have yourself locked up.’ | went to the nearest stationhouse and had myself locked up.
“| was placed in a narrow cell, and it seemed as though all the demons that could find room came in that place with me. This was not all the company | had, either. No, praise the Lord; that dear Spirit that came to me in the saloon was present, and said, Pray. | did pray, and though | did not feel any great help, | kept on praying. As soon as | was able to leave my cell | was taken to the police court and remanded back to the cell. | was finally released, and found my way to my brother’s house, where every care was given to me. While lying in bed the admonishing Spirit never left me, and when | arose the following Sabbath morning | felt that day would decide my fate, and toward evening it came into my head to go to Jerry M’Auley’s Mission. | went. The house was packed, and with great difficulty | made my way to the space near the platform. There | saw the apostle to the drunkard and the outcast—that man of God, Jerry M’Auley. He rose, and amid deep silence told his experience. There was a sincerity about this man that carried conviction with it, and | found myself saying, ‘| wonder if God can save me?’ | listened to the testimony of twenty-five or thirty people, every one of whom had been saved from rum, and | made up my mind that | would be saved or die right there. When the invitation was given, | knelt down with a crowd of drunkards. Jerry made the first prayer. Then Mrs. M’Auley prayed fervently for us. Oh, what conflict was going on for my poor soul! A blessed whisper said, ‘Come’; the devil said, ‘Be careful.’ | halted but a moment, and then, with a breaking heart, | said, ‘Dear Jesus, can you help me?’ Never with mortal tongue can | describe that moment. Although up to that moment my soul had been filled with indescribable gloom, | felt the glorious brightness of the noonday sun shine into my heart. | felt | was a free man. Oh, the precious feeling of safety, of freedom, of resting on Jesus! | felt that Christ with all his brightness and power had come into my life; that, indeed, old things had passed away and all things had become new.
“From that moment till now | have never wanted a drink of whiskey, and | have never seen money enough to make me take one. | promised God that night that if he would take away the appetite for strong drink, | would work for him all my life. He has done his part, and | have been trying to do mine.